Sex as a manufacturer of relationships or business

Sex. Perhaps the most accused of all the topics highly loaded and more often the theme of conversation and research, sexual Dissatisfaction is also at the bottom of many unhappy or condemned relationships. The University of Indiana National Survey of health and sexual behaviorR (2010) discovered that 61% of individuals reported that they had not had sex in the last year, compared to 18% of married couples.

It seems that married couples have done it, at least sexwiseRight? Well, not really. According to Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, author of New York Times piece “Looking for sex“, Who analyzed Google’s search data, the main searches about marriage And the relationships are “marriage without sex”, with an average of over 21,000 searches per month and for “relationship without sex”, with an average of over 3,500 searches per month. For the wedding, “without sex” beats “unhappy” and “without love” – ​​and add almost 3,000 other searches for “hungry sex” and “no sex”. For the report, the only research term that has had multiple shots per month (to over 5,500) was “violent relationship”. And according to a study by the University of Indiana, 25% of married couples report to have sex 2-3 times a week, making 75% of married couples who have sex once a week or not. Second to 2015 survey By Abby Rodman, couples report several related factors, including having children, time and familiarity by dampening desire. Most of the interviewees have noticed the loss of interest by the wives rather than husbands, according to reports to stress And fatigue. Most interviewees (75%) reported not to be happy that their marriage is without sex, even if 25% reported agreeing.

The underlying factors that contribute to a loss of sexual activity and vitality in long -term relationships are underlying and poorly understood. The need for novelty and growing familiarity over time, as well as stress and fatigue, however, are not the whole story. In some cases, people with sexual difficulties require diagnosis and professional care, who have saved many relationships. However, despite our cultural “opening“Speaking of sex, for many couples, sexual issues are still uncomfortable and the discussion of them avoided.

The work of the authors in irritation can shed light on issues related to sexual relationships. THE Main function of irritation is to avoid awareness of anxiety associated with intimacy. By intimacy, we mean all forms of intimacy: emotional, psycho-spiritualmental and physical, sexual and non -sexual.

What does sex for each member of a couple represent? Regular sex leads to greater connection and reciprocity as a loving and fun experience, or is sex used to pretend that the relationship is “well”? Does sex promotes compassionate empathy between partners or reduces them to non -human objects? AND Sex conflict An ongoing theme for topics that do not lead anywhere quickly?

Like mutually satisfactory relationships, irritation requires the participation of all parties involved. In the case of sex, irrelevance requires to experience the need to keep the distance from each other to minimize anxiety for intimacy. In addition, the erotic aspect of this distance can take different forms:

• The touching and explicit sexual behavior is completely lacking as in the “sex without sex” relationship;
• Sex can occur for a sense of obligation, duty or anxiety for the consequences of the withholding tax, becoming mechanical and not joy or worse (“bad sex”);
• Sex can become a performance, even an expression of competitionhostility and contempt;
• A partner-species, but not always, the female partner in heterosexual relationships-sex when they do not want to create problems relating to the almost consensual component of the shared decision.*

Sex can therefore be used to hide deeper problems in the relationship. When sex stops, for any reason, the problems that have fun under the surface, sometimes for years, are suddenly exposed.

If couples are trying to rekindle or revitalize their sex life together, the story of Emily and Malik can be useful:

“I don’t know exactly how I made it done,” Emily broke into, “but when you started to vanish in the bedroom, I was so totally crazy for you at that time that I couldn’t simply happen in the way I had always done in the past. I knew I had always repeated my blocker. He would start letting me know that he was having rethinking or anything else, I went on.

“Yes, I know exactly,” Malik agreed. “I was playing safely doing what I had always done. But I had never been called before. What a double blow was to be broken by someone I knew in depth I was crazy about.” Malik laughed and continued, “You have been a real turning point. Thank you!”

Learning to communicate safely and effectively using the 40-20-40 Approach, Malik and Emily have learned to create a space in which they could honestly and openly share their feelings on themselves, each other and their relationship. Without realizing that it was happening, that’s exactly how they started building the intimacy that had made them so worried. But the impact of quality communication is not limited to the bedroom: once effective, compassionate communication becomes a habit and couples become able to discuss issues previously that cause anxiety Fear That exposure of their feelings will write each other The end of their relationship.

Malik continued: “For some reason, this time I was able to afford to confront myself on wanting to be with you and having scared it at the same time. I had cling to this half -cooked idea that if I had come out and I had told you how crazy I was for you, you would be on the next train outside the city.”

“Yes, I see it now,” said Emily. “And my solution was a preventive strike: I started holding back because I thought that, every day, I would have a pink slide. Well, now that we have developed, it was a huge relief to realize that, it doesn’t matter what kind of problems or both have the opportunity to make things have a better way, that there are more things, there are more things, that there are more things, they have done more.

Malik laughed. “Yes. Think of being infernal in making sure that the best thing that I ever happened could not take me!”

* Non -consensual sex in any relationship is rape. People involved in relationships involving rape and abusive behaviors should immediately look for professional assistance.

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